Day 6: The Day I Was Tortured For the Amusement of the Masses

At 9:30am, Alison Stauver was escorted into the bowels of a dark and sinister place. Her fate was unsure, and the shadows into which she was led forebode a terrible immediate future....

And indeed my tongue was burned and ripped out, my eyes plucked and a hook placed....meticulously...from which I was hung.

I confessed all secrets immediately.

Yes, dear readers, I went to the London Dungeon, a touristy, kitschy cheap thrill, and was chosen as a volunteer for torture demonstrations. And I went at 9:30 in the morning, so my torturers were a little less enthusiastic as the might have been after their morning coffee.

It was delightful in it's ridiculousness, and although it was rather like watching a boring train wreck, there were sparking moments of acting that were wonderfully terrifying. The last ride makes you feel like you about to be hung from the gallows!

I was upset by their section of Jack the Ripper scares. While I get that subject is easy to use, in one room they use the actual autopsy photos and crime scene images of the real victims, which I feel is in poor taste. If I was brutally murdered, I wouldn't want people getting a thrill for £30 to see the pictures sensationalized. That's why I liked the waking tour I went on, since it was a little more of an investigation than theatrics, and the guide gave the women respect, and gave context to their unfortunate situations.



I did learn some good tricks for dealing with rude people.


And what better gift for your precious baby than a demonizing pacifier? Or should I say SUCK TOY OF DOOM?

After the London Dungeon, which Rick Steves told me not to do but I'm glad I did, I meandered over to the Tower of London!



I had to cross Tower Bridge to get there which was a fun trip.





A man offered to take my picture for me, but I feel if I'm on a trip by myself my photo should be taken by me as well.

When I got to the Tower there was this going on in the front...


They were teaching little boys how to be chivalrous knights! It was the cutesy thing I have ever seen!!!!


This was one of the coolest bits and knew a little about it from a documentary. I believe this is part of the additional defensives added by Edward I around the turn of the 14th century. In that pit would have been lions or other vicious menagerie animals, and instead of a drawbridge to cover the gap, there was actually a counterbalanced floor. The counterweights swung where those two slots are, as the floor snapped down. Fascinating!


Another favorite bit...this portcullis is believed to be ORIGINAL! It was only very recently lowered to be looked at. The last time before that was in 1898. It has a funny hole at the bottom that is jokingly called the "cat flap" but which was probably meant to allow for a canon to blast through. And although some people say that those hole in the top on the stone and meant for pouring boiling oil on enemies, apparently they were more likely used to put out the fires that were set to burn down a portcullis, since they were made of wood. That was the easiest way to get through them.


Here's the white tower, the original building and the oldest, from William the Conquerer, victor of the battle of Hastings in 1066! It houses now an arms exhibition, that I had to run through since the place closed before I'd seen everything.


I did stop at the crown jewels!


And after waiting in line for an hour to see them, I spent about nearly as long rotating around them on this little conveyor belt, cleaning the glass with my face smooshed against the glass. I did get a little replica of the anointing spoon, the oldest piece in the collection, with which I will scoop sugar into my tea from now on. After the English civil war, Charles I was beheaded (Oliver Cromwell, anyone?) and all the crown jewels were MELTED DOWN and sold. So 99% of the crown jewels are new, from the reign of Charles II, once the monarchy was reinstated in the mid 17th century.

Its probably best I wasn't allowed to photograph them, but rest assured there is a very nice book of photographs which will be gracing my coffee table for the rest of m life.


One of the 8 ravens that superstitiously guards the Tower.


And then I went on a Yeoman Warder (beefeater) tour, which was AWESOME.


Traitor's Gate.


Next was an evening walking tour of Westminster. Here's The Bell, know as Big Ben, attached to The New Palace of Westminster. And on the other end, Victoria tower, which you can see peeking there.


And Westminster Abbey, an 11th century masterpiece that has seen the coronation of EVERY ENGLISH MONARCH EVER. Mind=blown. I will tour inside on another day.


A nice shot at night.

I wish I could have given this post a little more gusto, but as packed as my days are I have precious little time to give it what it deserves.

I am now one post behind and will write up today's fun times in the morrow. Goodnight fair readers!